The following was my response to a 'girls don't want nice guys' thread. I used to post threads like that myself.


I don't know of any woman (or man for that matter) outside of a clearly defined BDSM scene who wants to be hit, shoved, abused, used, or thrown away. Too many guys try to play the 'nice guy' card. It's a warning flag, just like somebody coming up and telling you how humble/modest they are. The ones playing the nice guy card tend to be doormats. Not always, but way too often. If a woman asks him "where should we go tonight?" They either make some non decision like 'anywhere is fine, as long as I'm with you', or they make a suggestion and when the woman makes a different suggestion, they immediately cave rather than discuss it. They see 'nice' as I don't beat up women, I don't get them drunk and take advantage, I don't cheat. Like they should get some kind of special recognition for that. Women like confidence in a man, it's difficult to project that when they're afraid to offer a damn opinion or make a decision. There is a huge difference between throwing a woman on the ground,tearing her clothes off, and forcing yourself on her while she screams no, and giving her a kiss on the lips without stopping to ask permission first. Too many guys have been brainwashed into not doing a dang thing without the expressed written consent of the woman, and fail to read the body laguage signs they are given. Or even worse, the 'nice guy' goes so overboard he becomes smothering. Calling multiple times a day 'just because I'm thinking about you', wanting to be together every night, paranoid if she goes out with other friends, needing constant reassurance.

I know because I was a poster boy for the 'nice guy'syndrome.

Old habits die hard

Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.

I don't talk much about personal growth, because I fail miserably at it the bulk of the time. I've got a short temper, the rules I set for myself are not very flexible. The last few weeks have not been easy for me. Three situations have come up that have brutally tested my temper. Two times I walked away. One I could not. There was probably another alternative in that situation, there almost always is. I'm not good at recognizing that sometimes, especially on days ending with 'y'. Armed with that knowledge, yesterday and today are lost causes, my only real chance for improvement lies with tomorrow. I have to keep working, but progress is slow.