Went to the Irish Fair yesterday. It was a good time as usual. Wandered around, watching performances, and even more, watched people. Very interesting group, and a couple of outfits that are hard to describe, but easy to enjoy. ;)

Got home and there was a message from Nancy and Katie. I called back and we went out for a late lunch. Katie gave me a nice hug. She's growing up fast. After that I hit the Saturday evening service.

Looking in the church bulletin, I noticed they were having part two of 'the sound Christian family', covering such topics as 'the husbands role as head of the family'. I just got back from that. I'm guessing I won't be invited back for part three. I asked a few questions, ruffled more than a few feathers, and generally tried to point out a slightly different way. I guess I just don't understand the pressing need to be 'in charge' in a relationship. Seems to be way too much of a show, and I'd rather have relationships based on substance than appearance.

I was absolutely, positively, head over heels in love once. Her name was Kathy. We had the worlds worst first date. I was positive there'd never be a second date. I was wrong. I ended up buying an engagement ring. February 7, 1997 she was killed by a drunk driver. I was devastated. For years I was pretty much useless for a few weeks around that date.
Kathy had a kid sister, Jenny. When I first met her, she was a tomboy to say the least. Playing baseball, riding bikes on the dirt track, etc. Some days when I got off work before Kathy did, I'd head over to the ballfields and watch Jenny play. If we had time, I'd take her out for a soda or to the Dairy Queen. We'd go back to Kathy's and hang out. Sometimes she even talked Kathy into bringing her along if we went somewhere. One day Kathy and I had an argument. I said something incredibly stupid, she brought up past stupidities, I got defensive, and viola! instant argument. We each headed back to our own place to cool down. Apparently Jenny really tore into her because Kathy called laughing hysterically saying Jenny had a crush on me. After we got that straightened out a bit, things were good again, until Kathy died. After that, I tried to keep an eye on jenny because I knew how close they had been. I knew what I was feeling, but I couldn't imagine what she must have been going through. We kept in close contact over the years. I saw her in her prom dress before anyone except her mom, I met her date in the driveway that night to make sure he understood how to behave. June 12, 2003 I found out Jenny was hit by a drunk driver. She was in the hospital for ten days. She got out June 22 and was starting to recover. She was doing well each time I saw her that week. I went camping with some friends that weekend. I got back in town to a message on my machine that she passed away on the 28th. I lost it again. The woman I loved, and now her kid sister. How could they both die like that? It wasn't fair. I'm doing a lot better the last couple years, but some days I really miss them both, especially around the anniversary of their deaths.

I recently shared my view of love with a small group of family and friends. They seemed a bit angry that I was in fact, even more jaded and cynical than they had suspected.

That said, if you happen across Amy Lee (she of the group Evanescence), kindly inform her that yes, I will father her children. She has a voice to make a grown man believe in angels. I'm particularly fond of her duet (with Seether) Broken, and You Never Call Me When You're Sober. For her, and Pauly Perrette, I would hereby be willing to reconsider my views on love. Other than that, don't get your hopes up.

Not the best way to handle a situation

Back in my younger days, I had a bit of a temper. I still do, but it flares less often. In college I started learning fighting might not be the answer. (Partly because I lost several) About that time, I met an awesome woman. Over a few months I started developing more than a passing interest in awesome woman. To my disappointment, she only saw me as a friend. Over the rest of the year, I watched two guys in a row break her heart. We kept in touch over the summer, and as the next year began, she met guy #3. I didn't know him other than in passing, so I figured my initial distaste was mostly due to him being the object of her affection. After a few months he showed his true colors and hurt her on several levels. Around this time awesome woman and I had a misunderstanding resulting in me getting the silent treatment. One day I was in the weight room working on the stationary bikes when guy #3 walked in. I had visions of a horrible weightlifting accident about to happen, but decided I needed to let it go. He started making small talk, and I tried to be civil. He asked how awesome woman was, and I said I'm not sure, since she hadn't spoken to me for a couple of days. That's when he decided we had some sort of bond. He started sharing details of the things he did to hurt her, saying how glad he was he 'got in, got out'. Weightlifting accident flashbacks started creeping back into my head, but I ignored it. Getting dressed in the locker rooms, he said we should hang out sometime, talking about the wild and crazy times we could have. He said he'd do anything to win a bet, and gave some examples. I bet him $10 on the spot he couldn't fit into one of the lockers enough to close the door. He climbed in, closed the door and said "you owe me $10 sucker!" with a huge grin on his face. I calmly snapped a padlock on the door and slid $10 through one of the holes and told him "You earned it, oh, by the way, when you get out of there, if you ever mess with awesome woman again, you'll wish you were locked back in here."

I just don't learn

"I know a girl who would be perfect for you."

I should have taken off for the hills at those words. Instead, we talked, and I agreed to let her set me up with this woman. We meet, exchange pleasantries, seems nice enough, but she looks a bit on the young side. Eventually I ask her how old she is. "19, well technically 18, but I'll be 19 next week." Crimony, I was out of High School when she was born! Not wanting to just cut and run, we went to dinner. She seemed amused when I opened doors and held her chair out for her. Several times in the course of the conversation I had to explain people or events to her that I had referenced. (Bernie Goetz, Carol Alt, The fall of the Berlin Wall, and Milton Berle amongst others) I spent way too much time thinking I'm getting old. At one point as we drove to the nightclub she asked "is something wrong?" I asked what she meant, she said "well, you haven't tried to make a move on me yet. I've never had that happen before, don't you think I'm sexy?" I told her she was very attractive, but a bit young and I'm not one who moves very fast in that area. She mentioned that younger women had some advantages, especially in bed, "which you'll find out tonight." I politely excused myself. There are so many things wrong with that situation in my mind:

a) I'd feel like a pedophile.

b) I'm a huge fan of sex, but after having known each other for a whole two and a half hours, that sexual tension hadn't had much chance to build.

c) 19 year olds looking to 'finally find someone to settle down with' raise a red flag with me. I think it's the 'finally' part that bothers me most. The idea that I've gone without sex longer than the total time she's been allowed to date people, and she's thinking she's been doing this a long time already.



I'm getting too old for this stuff.

If you really want to know

For some reason, there is one person I can refuse nothing. She has requested me to do this. It is one of those 'set your iPod on random and elaborate on the first 10 songs that play' things that goes around a lot. Well, I don't have an iPod, but the cd I burned has exactly 10 tracks on it, so it'll have to do.



1) The Unforgiven II, by Metallica

Lay beside me, tell me what they've done

Speak the words I want to hear, to make my demons run



This song reminds me that no matter how dark things get, there is always hope.



2) Hero, by Chad Kroeger and Josey Scott

I am so high, I can hear Heaven

I am so high, I can hear Heaven

But Heaven, no Heaven don't hear me



This was on the Spider Man soundtrack, and Spidey was someone I related to in a way. At least until they took the cosmic 'kick me' sign off his back.



3) Blinded By the Light, by Manfred Mann (NOT the Springsteen version)

Madman drummers bummers, Indians in the summer with a teenage diplomat

In the dumps with the mumps as the adolescent pumps his way into his hat



The song that was playing the very first time I gave a girl a rose



4) Bat Out of Hell, by Meat Loaf

Oh baby you're the only thing in this whole world that's pure and good and right

And wherever you are and wherever you go there's always gonna be some light



One person may not be anything in the grand scheme of life, but to me she was everything. You are, were, and forever will be my light.



5) I Stand Alone, by Godsmack

And now its my time (now its my time)

It's my time to dream (my time to dream)

Dream of the sky (dream of the sky)

Make me believe that this place isn't plaguedBy the poison in me



This has been an anthem of mine from the first time I heard the song. I keep to myself a lot. Too many good people in my life have been hurt, and for a long time, the only common thread I saw was me.



6) Midnight Rider, by the Allman Brothers

Well, Ive got to run to keep from hiding,

And Im bound to keep on riding.

And Ive got one more silver dollar,



I had a good friend,we used to get ourselves in all sorts of odd situations. The more ridiculous or in some cases dangerous the situation, the closer we became. We used to want to know if the other would be there when things got ugly. For some reason, instead of just asking each other directly, we started asking "have you got, one more silver dollar?", and responding "not gonna let 'em catch, the Midnight Rider" R.I.P. Greens



7) Beth, by KISS

Beth, I know you're lonely, And I hope you'll be alright

'Cause me and the boys will be playin' All night



Those last two lines made me love this song. Finally, someone who didn't break up the band!





8) Lowlife (livin' the High life) Kid Rock (yeah, I know it's originally a John Eddie song, but I'm a Kid Rock mark, sue me)

Ahh the landlord called the rent is due

I spent it all on a Kiss tattoo

I Rock n Roll all night



I just get pumped up when a Kid Rock song starts.



9) Red, White, and Blue by Lynyrd Skynyrd

I ain't been no angel, But even God, he understands.

Sometimes that one line gives me more hope than I have a right to.

10) This Night, by Billy Joel

And so we danced
Though it was only a slow dance
I started breaking my promises
Right there and then

This is forever, our song.

Hmm

After two weeks of telling her, she took the test last night. She's pregnant. She's got a lot of figuring out to do.