I can't express it any better

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co5YYjaFia8

It's not the answer I wanted, but you need to be happy, even if it's not here with me.

and I thought I was pig headed (well, I am)

So Nancy's car is not in great shape. Recently she found out she needs brakes and tires very badly. I shopped around a bit for decent tires and brakes for her. I found one of the places we work with that would do it for $600. I know I can find the parts cheaper, but I trust these guys to do quality work and use parts they'd be comfortable putting on their familes cars. That was quite a bit beyond her budget for a couple months. She said she found a place that would do it cheaper. I told her I'd pay for it out of my paycheck and she can pay me back when she gets the money. She said no. I told her she didn't have to pay me back at all. She got mad. I told her I just wanted her and Katie to be safe. Brakes and tires are important safety items. I don't like the idea of going with the cheapest quote you can find. She said she made a decision and it was final, and I should stop being such a chauvanist pig. I know better than to keep pressing my luck at times like that, but I just really hate the idea of people I care about that much getting into a car with bad tires and brakes. I worry about them.

I am a dark, jaded, cynical person. I have been pretty much as long as I can remember. Every so often I start to see what I'm missing. I start deciding I should accept that people are a lot better than I give them credit for, and start looking at things in a more positive light. Without fail shortly thereafter, something happens to more than justify my lack of faith in humanity. It'll be a long time before I make that mistake again.

Went to the Irish Fair yesterday. It was a good time as usual. Wandered around, watching performances, and even more, watched people. Very interesting group, and a couple of outfits that are hard to describe, but easy to enjoy. ;)

Got home and there was a message from Nancy and Katie. I called back and we went out for a late lunch. Katie gave me a nice hug. She's growing up fast. After that I hit the Saturday evening service.

Looking in the church bulletin, I noticed they were having part two of 'the sound Christian family', covering such topics as 'the husbands role as head of the family'. I just got back from that. I'm guessing I won't be invited back for part three. I asked a few questions, ruffled more than a few feathers, and generally tried to point out a slightly different way. I guess I just don't understand the pressing need to be 'in charge' in a relationship. Seems to be way too much of a show, and I'd rather have relationships based on substance than appearance.

I was absolutely, positively, head over heels in love once. Her name was Kathy. We had the worlds worst first date. I was positive there'd never be a second date. I was wrong. I ended up buying an engagement ring. February 7, 1997 she was killed by a drunk driver. I was devastated. For years I was pretty much useless for a few weeks around that date.
Kathy had a kid sister, Jenny. When I first met her, she was a tomboy to say the least. Playing baseball, riding bikes on the dirt track, etc. Some days when I got off work before Kathy did, I'd head over to the ballfields and watch Jenny play. If we had time, I'd take her out for a soda or to the Dairy Queen. We'd go back to Kathy's and hang out. Sometimes she even talked Kathy into bringing her along if we went somewhere. One day Kathy and I had an argument. I said something incredibly stupid, she brought up past stupidities, I got defensive, and viola! instant argument. We each headed back to our own place to cool down. Apparently Jenny really tore into her because Kathy called laughing hysterically saying Jenny had a crush on me. After we got that straightened out a bit, things were good again, until Kathy died. After that, I tried to keep an eye on jenny because I knew how close they had been. I knew what I was feeling, but I couldn't imagine what she must have been going through. We kept in close contact over the years. I saw her in her prom dress before anyone except her mom, I met her date in the driveway that night to make sure he understood how to behave. June 12, 2003 I found out Jenny was hit by a drunk driver. She was in the hospital for ten days. She got out June 22 and was starting to recover. She was doing well each time I saw her that week. I went camping with some friends that weekend. I got back in town to a message on my machine that she passed away on the 28th. I lost it again. The woman I loved, and now her kid sister. How could they both die like that? It wasn't fair. I'm doing a lot better the last couple years, but some days I really miss them both, especially around the anniversary of their deaths.

I recently shared my view of love with a small group of family and friends. They seemed a bit angry that I was in fact, even more jaded and cynical than they had suspected.

That said, if you happen across Amy Lee (she of the group Evanescence), kindly inform her that yes, I will father her children. She has a voice to make a grown man believe in angels. I'm particularly fond of her duet (with Seether) Broken, and You Never Call Me When You're Sober. For her, and Pauly Perrette, I would hereby be willing to reconsider my views on love. Other than that, don't get your hopes up.

Not the best way to handle a situation

Back in my younger days, I had a bit of a temper. I still do, but it flares less often. In college I started learning fighting might not be the answer. (Partly because I lost several) About that time, I met an awesome woman. Over a few months I started developing more than a passing interest in awesome woman. To my disappointment, she only saw me as a friend. Over the rest of the year, I watched two guys in a row break her heart. We kept in touch over the summer, and as the next year began, she met guy #3. I didn't know him other than in passing, so I figured my initial distaste was mostly due to him being the object of her affection. After a few months he showed his true colors and hurt her on several levels. Around this time awesome woman and I had a misunderstanding resulting in me getting the silent treatment. One day I was in the weight room working on the stationary bikes when guy #3 walked in. I had visions of a horrible weightlifting accident about to happen, but decided I needed to let it go. He started making small talk, and I tried to be civil. He asked how awesome woman was, and I said I'm not sure, since she hadn't spoken to me for a couple of days. That's when he decided we had some sort of bond. He started sharing details of the things he did to hurt her, saying how glad he was he 'got in, got out'. Weightlifting accident flashbacks started creeping back into my head, but I ignored it. Getting dressed in the locker rooms, he said we should hang out sometime, talking about the wild and crazy times we could have. He said he'd do anything to win a bet, and gave some examples. I bet him $10 on the spot he couldn't fit into one of the lockers enough to close the door. He climbed in, closed the door and said "you owe me $10 sucker!" with a huge grin on his face. I calmly snapped a padlock on the door and slid $10 through one of the holes and told him "You earned it, oh, by the way, when you get out of there, if you ever mess with awesome woman again, you'll wish you were locked back in here."